And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
