Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
