On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
