My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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