he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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