how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
