How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
