That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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