I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
as a side note pls kill me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
