do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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