Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
