a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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