Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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