Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
