its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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