I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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