I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She even gives head with a lisp.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
