Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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