i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
