...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
