i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
