yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
