Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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