good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone shit on the floor
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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