I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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