so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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