im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
