He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
