Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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