Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Randomize
