My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
