your thong is hanging out like whoa
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
