Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
