He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
