I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
