dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there was a trapeze. enough said
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
