me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
