Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
