So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
