and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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