he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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