New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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