how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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