I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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