it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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