Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
