I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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