So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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