Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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