New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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