i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
