Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
