check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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