I seem to have left my pride at pride
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
