Jerry, you need to find god
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
