I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
