After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
