i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
