I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
