Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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