Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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