You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
