Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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