I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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