your thong is hanging out like whoa
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
