i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
