I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
