you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
